Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The five worst lyrics in will.i.am's new single

Let's face it, Will.i.am is not known for his lyrical prowess. His most triumphant moments include clangers like "Let's get retarded" and the inexplicable "I go hard statues".

Still, he's outdone himself on his latest single, Feelin' Myself, which is about how impressed will.i.am is with will.i.am. He brings Miley Cyrus and Wiz Khalifa along for the ride, and they more than match him in the quest to write the most banal couplet of the year.

Here are the five standout moments.

5) "Feeling fucking lucky like the fucking Irish."

To be fair, Will has accurately captured the uniquely romantic cadence of Dubliners' interpretation of the English language here. But he loses points because it should be "the feckin' Irish".

4) "I get on the floor just to make that booty twerk
Shake, shake that ass like an expert

Yes Miley, we are keenly aware of your ability to to move your buttocks in a rapid, to-and-fro motion. I'm not sure "expert" is the word, though. People are experts in things like neuroscience and astrophysics. The word you are looking for is "attention-seeker".

3) "Honey on my wrist, a couple of carrots on my neck".

Frankly, this is just a waste of good food.

2) "I tour the whole word like a dirty pirate
To give the whole world some Miley Cyrus

Are dirty pirates known for disseminating the works of Miley Cyrus to the ports and harbours of the world? Because I'm pretty sure that's not a real thing. I'd wager the lyric originally said: "to give the whole world some mighty syphilis".

1) "Look up in the mirror
The mirror look at me
The mirror be like 'baby, you the shit.
'God dammit, you the shit!
You the shit, you the shit, you the shit

This is the song's actual chorus and... Well, I mean... I can't... Just, wow. Really? Really? How do you even? Wow.

Will.i.am - Feelin' Myself

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