Or rather, that's the Daily Mail's interpretation (musicians have been "slammed for it", apparently).
If you read the study itself, you'll see the figures plummet drastically when you separate songs that glorify drinking ("you get a swimming pool of liquor then you dive in it") and those where responsible adults have an occasional glass of Tesco Chardonnay in the course of a celebration ("let's raise our cups to the stars").
Still, it does illustrate how pop lyrics have got stuck in a rut. The wondrous mayhem of human experience has somehow been distilled into these five essential topics.
1) I am drunk
2) I am in the club
3) I am a strong independent woman
4) I am going to "give it" to you
5) I am Lady Gaga
If you go back to the 60s, those topics would have looked something like this.
1) I love you
2) She loves you
3) Let's all love each other
4) All you need is love
5) What the fuck is that elephant doing on a tangerine bicycle?
It makes you wonder what the smitten teenagers of 2013 have available to put on mix tapes when they want to declare undying love to each other - Mumford and Sons? I sincerely hope not.
But, lo! Coming to the rescue on his gelded horse is lithesome soul lothario Sir John of Legend. He hath written a heartfelt love sonnet for his new bride, which includes such tender couplets as: "You're my downfall, you're my muse /
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues".
All Of Me is beautiful in a "Mellow Magic" sort of way. The video features the real Mr and Mrs Legend cavorting around their beautiful LA home in the buff (but tastefully shot in black and white, so it's ok) and some actual footage from their recent wedding in Italy.
And then they SPOIL EVERYTHING by drinking a glass of champagne, the irresponsible BASTARDS.
PS: John's wife, Chrissy Teigen, is well worth following on Twitter. She's goofy, snarky and generally hilarious - even when she's going on about her Animal Crossing village (which is a lot). Brains and beauty, it doesn't seem fair.