Wednesday, October 31, 2012

"A terribly poor grasp of the English language"

What is happening to the education system in Canada? I always thought it was top of the UN's "most totally pampered places to live in the world" chart (I think it's really called the Human Development Index) but if Canada's pop lyricists are any indication, the country's children have a terribly poor grasp of the English language.

Sixteen years have passed since Alanis Morisette famously got in a muddle over the definition of irony, but it's not getting any better. Here are some recent examples.

1) "Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad"
Carly Rae Jepsen - she either fundamentally misunderstands the linear nature of time, or has mixed up her tenses.

2) "I like a woman with a future and a past"
Drake - who is trying to express his preference for a female partner with plenty of experience and a lust for life. Sadly, his clumsy phrasing makes it sound like he's willing to have a go on anyone who's not a baby or a corpse.

3) "We don't need a cure for the weight of the world / cause its floating round in the universe"
Dragonette - displaying a shocking ignorance of Kepler's laws of planetary motion.

4) "Your lips are undeniable"
Carly Rae Jepsen (again) - who has confused undeniable with irresistible. Of course you can't deny someone's lips. You'd look pretty stupid saying, "those aren't lips, they're plasticine snails. Everyone knows lips don't really exist, dummy".

Oh dear, readers. Oh dear.

That last lyric, by the way, comes from Carly Rae Jepsen's new single This Kiss, a song which tries so hard to shout "I am not a one hit wonder" that it nearly gives itself a hernia. It needen't have bothered, it's a proper sugar-pill pop classic once it settles down into itself.

Carly Rae Jepsen - This Kiss

PS The world's best pop lyricists (writing in English) come from Sweden. Deny it if you can.

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