Monday, December 12, 2011

Five songs Little Mix could have released instead of Cannonball

Well done, the British Public. You correctly rejected Liverpool's premier Bruno Mars impersonator as the winner of X Factor 2011, and chose Little Mix (or "the Lidl Muffins", as Tulisa inexplicably insisted on calling them) as your winners.

Louis Walsh actually said something prescient and insightful when he declared Little Mix would be the biggest girl band in the UK next year. The year after... well, we'll have to wait and see.

HOWEVER - in a series marked by appalling decisions on behalf of the X Factor production team, Little Mix have been lumbered with Damien Rice's plodding sob-fest Cannonball as their first single. Don't get me wrong - the original is a beautiful, delicate piece of work. But it simply does not suit a teenage girl group who sing with so much force it shreds their jeans to pieces.

Here's five other songs that I've essentially chosen at random. They would all have worked better as Little Mix's debut.

1) TLC - Unpretty
Little Mix have made a point of the fact that they don't look like a typical size zero girl group. They were in tears when they performed Christina Aguilera's Beautiful in week 8. As Jesy said in the intro video, "your insecurities are what make you different," said Jesy in the intro video. TLC's Unpretty delivers the same message, but it's less heavy-handed and more suited to a vocal harmony group. Also, it's brilliant.

2) The Dixie Cups - Iko Iko
Short, fun, plenty of opportunity for harmonies. The lyric about the black civil rights movement is no more inappropriate than Cannonball, which begins with an oral sex reference.

3) The Jam - Going Underground
Because pissing off the indie kids by covering one of "their" songs is what the X Factor is all about. This comes with a ready-made key change (two of them, actually) and the video can cut to the footage of Little Mix being crowned the winners during the line "the public gets what the public wants".

4) Voice Of The Beehive - I Say Nothing
"I know what I believe, don't need to wear it on my sleeve". This is the most Girl Power thing anyone has ever said in the entire history of saying things.

5) Blur - Tender
If the winner's single absolutely has to be a plodding rework of a guitar ballad, then it should be this one. Bonus content: No need to shoe-horn in a gospel choir.

Those are just five examples but HERE'S THE AMAZING THING: Little Mix have already released a better single than Cannonball. Their superlative cover of En Vogue's Don't Let Go (Love) is currently available on iTunes. If we all buy that instead, maybe Syco will relent and make it chart eligible.

Remember kids: Little Mix's future is in your hands.

Little Mix - Don't Let Go (Love)

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