Monday, June 15, 2009

Soul-sapping Kelly Rowland email

Ping! An email has just popped into my inbox (this is hardly an irregular occurence, but I'm trying to add some action to this introduction). The sender wants to inform me of a technological breakthrough that will ruin live music for the rest of time.

The fact that Kelly Rowland is involved somehow seems inevitable.

I don't know about you, but when an artist puts on a terrible show, I want to be able to throw a bottle of my own urine at them. It is no fun if the bottle just passes through a 3D hologram and lands, plonk, at the back of the stage.

I realise that this new technology will be of great benefit to people like Michael Jackson who want to put on concerts (a) from the comfort of their house and (b) without being soaked in piss - but surely it raises the prospect of gigs being little more than fancy-pants TV shows. How would we even know they are live anyway? Most artists script their interactions with the audience as it is...

And what happens when the signal breaks down? Does Kelly Rowland flicker in and out of vision like on a Star Trek Holodeck? Does she turn into static like a detuned television? Or could the broadcast accidentally get switched to porn, like at the Superbowl? (This is my preferred option, by the way).

Of course, the holographic technology has already been used during CNN's election coverage for a really stilted and weird conversation with If this is as good as it gets, I'll stick to Youtube.

Kelly Rowland - When Love Takes Over (live)

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