Thursday, May 3, 2007

Psalm to the parasol

"Umbrellas. They are handy for keeping the rain off you, unless the rain is coming down at a funny angle or the wind blows your umbrella inside out. Umbrellas are therefore quite useful, but you always end up leaving them on the bus, don't you?"

This is an extract from Rihanna's diary, which I have just made up. It was not the inspiration for the reedy-voiced Barbadian R&B starlet's new single, Umbrella, but this post would be infinitely more interesting if it was.

The song has been banging around for ages but, because I unreservedly hate all of Rihanna's other songs, I've only just heard it. It turns out to be really rather good. Here is why:

  • Rihanna goes "eh? eh? eh?" like Alf Garnett all over the chorus
  • Those drum samples are dope, phat and wicked (according to this 1980s urban dictionary I've just been handed)
  • Rihanna uses the non-conventional cockney pronunciation of Umbrella.

    The video, however, is giving me flashbacks to painting our house and is therefore rubbish.

    NB: Wikipedia's bizarrely literal description of the video is priceless:
    "The video starts out with Jay-Z singing his part in the rain. Rihanna starts singing in a steamy place. Later, she starts dancing with water splashing against her, even though she is not getting wet. She is dressed in an outfit dancing with an umbrella in a hallway. There are shots of her naked in grey oil. She then starts dancing where Jay-Z was singing with her umbrella."

    Dressed in an outfit? Whatever next?!?!!?!1111

    Rubbish Jay-Z version
    Less rubbish version with L'il Mama
    Sublime "this song never needed a rap anyway" version

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