Friday, April 6, 2007

Natasha Bedingfield album review

Verbose popstress Natasha Bedingfield has a new album coming out at the end of the month. It is called NB, which is Latin for "note well" and also (dur) Natasha's initials. Impressive, eh?

Here is what to expect if you fork out a tenner for it.

1) How Do You Do?
Natasha thinks girls should be able to ask guys out. Because in Bedingfield-world it's still 1873. Sounds like a Cossack dance produced by Kanye West. Superb.
Obligatory Big word: Circumspect

2) I Wanna Have Your Babies
Like a bad plot device in 24, Natasha has a ticking time-bomb between her thighs. (She wants babies, you see). Insanely catchy, if a little irritating.
Obligatory Big word: Nonchalant

3) Soulmate
Serious and important ballad, destined to haunt Simon Cowell at American Idol auditions until the day he dies. A bit yawn-worthy, truth be told.
Obligatory Big word: Transitory

4) Who Knows
"I'm in like with you / not in love with you". Natasha has been watching too much One Tree Hill, I reckon. There's a superb Prince-esque synth running through this, which makes it exactly six times better than a bagel.
Obligatory Big word: Oxygenation

5) Say It Again
The one she wrote with the bloke out of Maroon 5. Would not sound out of place in Top Shop, with all that implies.
Obligatory Big word: Conglomerate

6) Pirate Bones
This is more like it. A completely loopy song about Captain Jack Sparrow full of chunky great stabs of choppy piano. If Natasha did more of this sort of unfettered bonkers nonsense and less of the playing-it-safe American radio pap this album would be genius.
Obligatory Big word: Counterfeit

7) Backyard
NB is yearning for the innocent times of childhood. Which, for her, means about a quarter of an hour ago... Could be cloying and twee, but the key change in the chorus actually evokes a sense of nostalgia. Ooh, clever.
Obligatory Big word: Bazooka

8) Tricky Angel
Pretty chorus, but the production is a complete mess. There are so many competing voices it sounds like a visit to Robbie Williams' inner psyche.
Now, there's a prospect that'll make you piss your pants. Twice.
Obligatory Big word: Intervention

There hereby follows an "interlude" which is a bad photocopy of Imogen Heap's Hide And Seek. Frighteningly bad.

9) What Ifs [feat Eve]
Eve puts Natasha's name in a rap, and it's as incongruous as a peacock at a wake. This will probably be a single.
Obligatory Big word: Evidence

10) Not Givin' Up
Natasha tells her man she's not giving up on their relationship, but it sounds less like a plea for love and understanding than the crazed threats of a demented stalker with a knife made of human bones. Creepy.
Obligatory Big word: Aggravation

11) Still Here
A particularly tedious piano ballad. It will sap your will to live. Skip!
Obligatory Big word: Stegosaurus

12) Smell The Roses
Natasha meets a wise old man who makes her re-assess the hectic pace of her modern urban existence, with its Sony Playstations and Spinach and Feta wraps. Thought-provoking.
Obligatory Big word: Shoelaces

PS: Precisely three of those "big words" are completely made up. I'll leave you to decide which ones, readers.

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