Thursday, January 11, 2007

Lonely at the top

preston and chantelleBy now, you will probably have heard the Preston out of Celebrity Big Brother The Ordinary Boys had a big showbiz strop and flounced out of a recording of TV quiz show Never Mind The Buzzcocks t'other night.

He was incensed, incensed I tells ya, because host Simon Amstell poked fun at his wife, the beautiful and talented Chantelle Houghton (I won't be falling into the same trap, as you can see).

And what was Amstell's heinous transgression of the social and moral code that holds modern society together? He read an extract from Chantelle's autobiography in - gasp! - a slightly sarcastic tone of voice.

Here is said extract:
I did a lingerie shoot for Marks and Spencer, who were launching a new line of undies for younger women, called Ceriso. It was all very pretty and girlie just my kind of stuff. I was thrilled when they let me keep some of it. I've always loved M&S, but it had always been too expensive for me. The photo shoot was for the Daily Mail,which made me feel very posh and upmarket. I'd never in my wildest dreams imagined I would be in the Daily Mail wearing M&S!

simon amstellAmstell is clearly in the wrong here - that passage doesn't even need the addition of a sarcastic tone of voice to make it sound ridiculous.

But Preston, media whore that he is, has now given an interview to Radio One defending his great big girly huff. You can hear it here, but allow me to summarise in a new feature I like to call "Preston says, Preston means".

Preston says: "If that was any other situation I would have literally hit him and knocked him out."
Preston means: "But I was on television so I couldn't. Also, my hand is a bit hurty."

Preston says: "I got up and left because if I had to look at his snotty little public schoolboy failed-career face I would have hit him.
Preston means: "I do not possess sufficient wit to challenge Amstell face-to-face, but from this safe distance I'd like to say he's a greasy four-eyed swot."

Preston says: "He's very bitter because he went on Popworld, he thought he was going to have this Ant and Dec-like massive career and he's doing some little budget indie show in the middle of the night."
Preston means: "Whereas my band is so unbelievably famous that I had to go on Celebrity Big Brother to shift some singles."

Preston says: "No-one's got principles any more... People do things just for the press and I ain't even got anything coming out. Well, I've got a single, but when this goes on telly I ain't even got anything coming out."
Preston means: "I have no principles. I have a single coming out. Where's that fifty quid you promised me?"

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