Saturday, May 20, 2006

"Fame" at last

Oh dear. Being on the radio isn't as glamorous as it's cracked up to be...

Itchy tits. No, reallyLast night, thorough a combination of weak-will and idiocy, I was roped into appearing on the BBC World Service. They billed me as an 'entertainment reporter and composer', which is technically true even if it does sound a little bit grand compared to "writes about music and plays the piano".

My mission was to be Simon Cowell for five minutes on the World Have Your Say programme in a feature they called "Your-o-vision".

Although, clearly, that pun doesn't work on radio.

So I put on a tight black vest, pulled my trousers up to chest height and set about my task, judging music from podcasts and blogs around the world.

The majority of the 'entrants' were actually very good - and I ended up exaggerating my minor quibbles with the songs to avoid saying "yeah, I quite like that, actually" after every track.

It was all over very quickly (or, perhaps, the vest cut off the blood supply to my brain and I blacked out). I gave my douze points to a creole-style song from Colombia, but the other judges overruled and British punk band Itchy Tits won the contest.

I've put a link to all of the songs featured on the programme below, because I don't feel any of them deserved to be judged in this cruel manner. Certainly not by me, anyway.

There's also an MP3 of my appearance, which I've provided out of sheer vanity.

If only I'd asked for a fee...
  • King Elio Boom: Il Fulo is available at WFMU
  • Nathan Asher: Turn Up The Faders is available on myspace
  • Itchy Tits: Videophone is available on Xan Phillips podcast
    (Xan was also on last night's show - so read his blog too!)
  • Hear the whole shameful episode on this short mp3

  • LT UnitedBy the way, if you want my opinion on this year's actual Eurovision contest, I say it's Lithuania all the way. This country either has a fantastic sense of humour or appalling taste in music. Or maybe it's both...

    The song is utterly devoid of any tune or progression, and the band, LT United, would appear to consist of six blokes they found waiting for their wives outside the changing rooms in Lithuania's equivalent of Debenhams.

    But their lyrics are superb: "We're the winners of Euorvision," they repeat, "Vote for us / vote for us". The band's official website even redirects you to!

    If this brazen attempt at mind-control doesn't work on you, then you're not human and I claim my five pounds.

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