Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Our very own award ceremony

Caution! Utter pish alert!

The Naomi awards, which are to the Brits as the Raspberries are to the Oscars, have just been revealed. They give gongs to the year's worst music - and guess what? The thought police are in charge! With tiresome predictability, all the winners are easy targets like Westlife (shock!), Steve Brookstein (controversial!) and Lee Ryan (the horror!). What next? An award for Lisa Scott-Lee? Yes, apparently, for worst female artist. At least she's guaranteed to cry at the podium, I suppose.

Now, I don't have a great deal to say in defence of the above artists, but isn;t this all a bit cheap and predictable? Why do Son of Dork get 'Worst attempt at Rock' when Noise Next Door exist? Why are Pussycat Dolls branded 'Worst International Breakthrough Artist' in the year that gave birth to Antony and the Johnsons (Hey, at least someone bought the PCD album).

What the list really reveals is a massive snobbery against pop music. Granted, bad pop music isn't as easy to endure as some of the whiny guitar crap littering the charts. But why should a talentless gobshite like Pete Doherty be deified when co-talentless gobshite Lee Ryan gets crucified? Something tells us it's because one has a drug habit and the other one sings pop music.

So, in that light, we're starting our own awards. In Pete's honour, they'll be called "The junkies", and here are the categories:

- Worst whiny guitar 'song' of the year
- Most useless poseur with a drug habit
- Most overhyped band of 2005
- Least convincing rockstar award
- Genuinely wonderful rock music award
- Best pop act that isn't James Blunt or KT Tunstall
- Best single of 2005
- Best album of 2005
- Album you bought but realised you shouldn't have award
- Cheapest video of 2005
- Best sparkly award ceremony outfit of 2005
- Outstanding achievement in tabloid coverage award

Send your nominations to junkie@discopop.co.uk. Then we'll rig the winners and let you know next week. Just like the real thing.

  • BBC News: Westlife win worst music award

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