Friday, February 10, 2006

The Grammys: In pictures

I really have very little to say about the Grammys. I watched the 2-hour synopsis of the ceremony last night, and even that seemed like extended aural torture.

U2 clearly had to restrain themselves from killing Mary J Blige as she systematically ruined their one decent song.

There was general confusion, and the air of a ramshackle last-day-of-term show, for the the 'tribute' to Sly and the Family Stone. Sly himself looked particularly discombobulated, probably because of the industrial amounts of coke he's shoved up his nose over the last 35 years.

Stevie Wonder did his joke about taking his glasses off, the better to see a pretty lady (again(. And Madonna displayed her gusset for the all world to see (again).

As is par for the course at these ceremonies, mediocrity was heavily rewarded. Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams", for instance, was clearly not the record of 2005. Nor was U2's "Sometime You Can't Make It On Your Own" the song of the year. And what is the difference between those two awards, anyway?

I could ramble on about this for days, but in the end the awards make little or no difference. Especially 'Best Polka Album'. What we're really here for are the frocks - so let's take a look:

Stefani: Hollabump girl

Kanye: Tells it like it is
(In all seriousness, this man needs taken down a peg or two. We used to beat up the cocky kids like him at school. And we were the nerds.)

Sting: "I'll fight you for that mushroom vol au vent"

Madonna: GUSSET!

Joss Stone: "Does anyone know how to get superglue off your chin?"

Jamie Foxx: Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum

Mariah: She's got the horn(s)

Fergie: Face or fish? You decide.
(Oh, alright, it is a fish. Sturgeon, I think.)

Missy: Cool as ice-cream, and the only deserving award-winner of the night (best video for Lose Control)

Beyoncé: Prom queen (again)

Macca: "Help! I've dislocated my hip."

  • Grammy Nominees: Full list of winners

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