Thursday, December 8, 2005

Don't let Mario kill you

The Nintendo DS is, almost unbelievably, outselling the PSP in every country around the world. It has even been shifting 40,000 units a week in the notoriously Nintendo-phobic UK.

To be fair, we can understand why. The games are innovative and genuinely fun, the wireless multiplayer works like a dream, and the touchpad is incredibly intuitive. In fact, our home consoles haven't had any play since we bought the DS back in October.

However, we've discovered the console could kill you !!!!!!11!

We've been shielded from the potential health hazards because the European version of the DS comes without the nine pages of safety advice contained in the Japanese instruction manual.

Luckily, some enterprising souls have posted the Japanese manual on the internet. We're guessing that the majority of you don't speak Japanese, so here is a rough translation of the key points.

When using the stylus, avoid repeatedly stabbing yourself through the tongue.

Your DS will not help you to attract a mate, even if you put it in your pants.

Don't play while hiding under your sheets, in case the bogeyman gets you.

On occasion, the DS will emit poisonous fumes.
Do not approach it during this time.

The Nintendo does not much like milk.

Play safely, folks.

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